The lost art of being present

Presence is the foundation of everything.

A clear mind. A regulated nervous system. A fulfilled life.

Creativity, intuition, emotional depth, genuine connection: all of it arises from presence.

Being present reduces anxiety and depression. It enhances well-being. It makes time feel abundant, decisions easier, action clearer.

The best art, leadership, and love don't emerge from tense effort. They emerge from relaxed presence.

But people often misunderstand ambition and presence.

They think they're opposites. One pushes forward. One stays still.

Wrong.

Presence doesn't mean you stop moving toward the future. It means you stop living in the future.

When you're fully present, you're fully engaged.

The more you inhabit this moment, the more effective you become at shaping the next one.

But how can I learn from mistakes and plan ahead if I'm only in the present?

It's not about never thinking of the past or future. It's about spending as little time there as possible.

Most of us, however, do the opposite.

Your brain is wired for survival

For most of history, survival depended on anticipating danger and remembering mistakes. 

The brain learned to scan for threats in the future and lessons in the past.

That vigilance kept our ancestors alive.

Now it keeps us restless in boardrooms, bedrooms, and on vacation.

Despite the absence of external threats, the mind still hunts for problems. It replays old conversations. Simulates disasters. Plans contingencies for imagined futures.

The result is a mind that narrates and comments on life non-stop.

You crave control

In the present moment, you don't know what's going to happen. This makes you uncomfortable.

So you ruminate on the past, tying it into a coherent story. Or you plan for the future, mapping how you'll get there.

Past and future both give you the illusion of control.

But what's really happening? You're becoming a slave to mind chatter. Trapped by its endless need for safety.

Your presence suffers. Your peace disappears. And the life you're trying to control keeps moving ahead while you constantly try to rein it in.

The present exposes what you've been avoiding

When you drop into the now, you face everything you've been running from.

Tension in your body. Unprocessed emotions. Subtle discomfort.

Being present means letting reality unfold before you've had time to curate it.

It means surrendering control.

It can feel more familiar to fight the present. To constantly regulate what you feel or don't feel.

Add dopamine to the mix - you reach for your phone not out of curiosity but habit - and you've got yet another escape from the immediacy of the present.

Presence is freedom from compulsion

Being present doesn't mean silencing the mind. The mind will always produce thoughts. That's its nature.

The goal isn't fewer thoughts. It's being less possessed by them.

When you stop identifying with every passing thought, attention naturally settles into now.

Presence comes from awareness and disidentification.

Presence is deep participation

Presence doesn't mean sitting back and watching life unfold.

It means engaging so fully that the boundary between self and experience dissolves.

It's your natural state when mind, body, and soul are relaxed and fully alive.

You're no longer an observer trying to manipulate life. You're life itself, unfolding without struggle.

Presence is flow. When you stop pushing and start allowing. Movement happens through you, not from you.

Action becomes effortless because it's aligned with reality instead of resisting it.

Presence isn't something you do, it's something you stop doing

We approach presence with the same mindset we bring to achievement: I should be more present. I'll focus harder. I'll schedule mindfulness.

But presence doesn't come through effort. It comes through release.

You don't grab hold of the present. You let go and sink into it.

If this sounds abstract, here's how it becomes real.

1. Become more aware

The best way to become present is through life itself.

As you go about your day, notice how often your mind leaves the present.

Whenever you notice this, bring your awareness back.

That simple awareness interrupts the pattern.

What this looks like: Set a timer on your phone for random intervals. When it goes off, pause and ask: "Where was my attention just now?" You'll be shocked how rarely it's here.

2. Return to the body

The body is always present.

Feel your feet on the ground. The rhythm of your breath. The sounds around you. The space you're in.

Embodied awareness is your entryway to full presence.

What this looks like: Before you open your laptop, take three breaths and feel yourself in your chair. Before you respond to a text, feel your thumbs on the screen. When you're in conversation, focus fully on the other person. When you're walking, feel the air, listen to the sounds, notice what you see.

3. Keep calm when triggered

If you're agitated, don't try to think your way back to calm.

Don't judge yourself.

Just allow whatever is happening to happen.

Then breathe slowly. Exhale longer than you inhale.

First calm your nervous system. Then relax into the moment.

What this looks like: Box breathing. Inhale for 4 counts. Hold for 4. Exhale for 4. Hold for 4. Repeat until your nervous system downshifts. Do this before meetings, difficult conversations, or whenever anxiety hijacks you.

4. Train your presence muscle

Carve out time to just be. Presence is a muscle that improves with use.

Stillness may first reveal tension, restlessness, unease, boredom, even anxiety. That's normal.

Stay with it.

The nervous system learns it's safe through repetition.

Over time, what felt unbearable becomes serene.

What this looks like: Sit in silence for 5 minutes. Phone in airplane mode. Door shut. No distractions. Allow yourself to just be. Notice what you feel. Allow any discomfort that arises. Notice the urge to escape but don't follow it. Keep breathing.

Want to go deeper? Work up to 15, 30, then 60 minutes. Or try multiple days at a time. I've done 10-day silent meditation retreats (Vipassana). They’re life-changing. Highly recommended if you're curious.

5. Redesign your environment

Most likely your agenda is too busy, and your house is too cluttered, and your phone has too many apps.

You'll be surprised how presence reveals itself when you simplify your life, relationships, work, and possessions.

What this looks like: Make a radical shift to what you allow in. Do less. Delete social media apps from your phone (or hide them). Schedule tech-free moments in your day and week where no screens are allowed.

Last week, my coach helped me realize something:

I don't have to make this moment different to be at peace in it.

I'd been fighting the present. Trying to force it into the future I wanted.

But acceptance is the only path to clarity. And clarity is what allows purposeful action.

Your suffering doesn't come from what's happening. It comes from your resistance to what's happening.

When you truly feel this, and not just understand it intellectually, you stop resisting reality.

The moment you stop resisting, you can relax into now.

From this state, aligned action flows naturally.

The present moment is never incomplete. It’s never in need of fixing. It's simply waiting for your attention.

And when you give it that attention, life starts to move through you rather than from you.

What you once tried to control, you now co-create.

If you enjoyed this Perspective, I’d be grateful if you shared it with your network. Thanks for being part of this journey.