Why you're still stuck in 2024

The reason you fall short of your goals and end up disappointed is that you have a misguided understanding of change.

You see it predominantly as a singular, moment-in-time choice, where the key element is to make the decision to change.

The reality couldn't be farther from that.

Sustained change requires 3 elements: awareness that something needs to change, a resolution to change, and then consistent conscious choices to reinforce the change.

The first element typically happens from a wake-up call. Something happens in your life where you realise that the way you've been living is not right. It could be a life-changing event. Or you get brutally honest feedback. Or someone leaves you. Or on the positive side, you could get inspired by someone and realise that "that could be me", or you might connect with a deep ambition you have for the future.

Whatever it is, you are shaken out of your current reality and begin to see it from a distance. Strong emotions form, such as shame, excitement, anger, fear, or optimism. You begin to feel a strong motivation and desire to change.

Without this step, change becomes difficult because you lack the real "why" behind it, and when things get tough it will be all the more difficult to find and sustain a motivation to keep going.

In the second step, you resolve to change. You get concrete about what it is you want to be different. You tell friends and family about it. Perhaps you take the action of signing up for a gym, or go through a ritual such as cutting your cigarettes in half, or downloading a new focus app on your smartphone.

For change to take hold, the choice needs to be concrete. You need to get specific about what success looks like, and be able to imagine yourself doing the "thing" in detail.

Don't say "I want to get more productive", say "I will review my goals on a weekly and daily basis, and work in 45 minute focus slots without distraction."

Or "I will go to the gym 4 times a week and do 2 cardio sessions of minimum 30 minutes, and 2 weight training sessions that cover all the main muscle groups in my body."

This resolution needs to come from within you and be something that you truly desire, and not something that is imposed on you.

If you resolve to exercise more because your doctor told you to, it will likely feel like a to do list and you will struggle.

If, on the other hand, you commit working out more because you want to feel healthier and have more energy, then you will feel at choice and like you are the one call the shots in your life.

Another way to look at this is whether you are creating your reality from the inside-out, or if reality is imposing norms on you from the outside-in.

This is where many people struggle unconsciously at a deeper level. They're making choices based on what society deems to be acceptable or noble, rather than on their own values and internal motivations.

If you find that the choice you are making does not feel congruent with who you are and what you want, when you connect with the deepest parts of your being, go back to step one and focus on enhancing your awareness. Ask yourself what it is you truly want when you strip away the noise of the world, and what choices naturally lead from this.

Let's assume that you have identified an important change you want to make, that you are intrinsically motivated to make.

This takes care of first 2 parts of change (awareness and resolution)

The third step of consistent, conscious choices is where most people fall short.

The key is to expand your ability to be present in the moment and then make a deliberate choice that is aligned to your goals. Multiple times a day.

Do these five things to make it happen.

1. Identify what the change would look like in practice. Get specific about what you want to do, where, when, and how often

2. Pre-empt your challenges. Ask yourself what the most likely challenges are that you will encounter, and then make a plan for what you will do when you encounter them. A simple technique is the "if-then" method. For example, "if I feel the urge to check social media, then I will put my phone in airplane mode and move it to a different room."

3. Put a calendar reminder each morning before you start your day, that reminds you of your goal. Take 30 seconds to connect inwards and set an intention every day when you see it.

4. During the day, keep focusing on being present in the moment. Notice the urges you feel and the different voices in your head. Realise that you are not your urges and you are not your voices, and elevate your perspective in order to make deliberate choices in the moment. Frequent meditation helps build this capacity more broadly.

5. Measure progress each week, and stay consistent for 1-3 months. Reflect after a month. You will notice it feels easier than it does now. Reflect after 3 months. It will seem like the new way is the ‘new you’, although it still requires conscious effort and choice. After 6 months, you are likely to have almost forgotten what it was like to even desire your old habit and way of being.

Focus on one change at a time.

Spend at least one month on it, but realistically three months.

With consistency this is four meaningful changes a year, which for most of us would be life changing.

Remember, change doesn’t happen from one big choice, it comes from 1000 small ones.

With expanded awareness, you have the power to choose each time.