As you grow older, your basic needs start to be sufficiently covered so that you no longer stress about them, and you also start to get to know yourself better.

This combination of internal awareness and external stability gives you space for deeper reflection. You are able to connect with parts of yourself that have been neglected.

You start yearning for purpose.

It sort of creeps up on you, and although you might try to brush it off, it doesn't go away.

Often it creeps up on you as a sort of negative contrast to your current reality.

You feel mis-aligned with your present life, either in terms of values or deeper meaning, and this signal to your body and soul that something is not right. Something feels “off”.

With the growing wealth levels and living standards, you start to look beyond your jobs as merely a survival mechanism, and don't accept a “good enough” job that pays the bills but doesn’t fulfil you more deeply. You no longer put up with a terrible boss or a toxic working environment. You realise that the stress isn't worth the pay check. You start to prioritise your health and happiness.

You start to get excited by what's possible.

Yet you also feel stuck. You've never learnt how to think about what you truly want, and it's daunting.

Midlife crises have become quarter-life crises.

You start realising that “you can do anything” with your life if you put your mind to it. But with this possibility also comes the responsibility of then doing something about that.

And this dissonance makes you feel uncomfortable. You feel “off” but don't know what to do about it.

So you start looking outside for answers. Because you think that surely those who appear successful and happy on the surface must have somehow cracked the path.

I felt this strongly in my late twenties, when I was meeting and exceeding conventional standards of business success with an accelerated consulting career and my first book publication on its way.

But inside I was feeling incongruent.

I remember that the word “incongruent” kept coming to me, over the space of about two years, and I felt lost. There were days I would show up for work and be unable to focus, so strong was the incongruence. But I didn’t know what to do or how to get out of this self-entrenched purpose prison.

For many years I looked for the “answer” by studying different paths. At one point I saw myself as a future CEO of a large company. Then as a thought leader. Then perhaps at the UN.

It was only when I started looking inside that I began to find common threads. I realised that I have a deep yearning to improve the state of the world by changing the way the world is run. I see myself playing a role in shaping a new global governance based around an updated mandate for the UN, or even a new UN. I also know that there are many steps to fulfil my life's work, and Potential Academy is the first, important, step.

I have learned through my own experiences, theory, and my work with others that my journey towards living in alignment mirrors the typical journey that most people follow.

Let me describe below.

In essence, you evolve in stages. The first few stages are not about purpose.

In the early parts of your life, you are focused on surviving, relating to others, trying to fit in and finding a sense of belonging. Then comes the focus on achievement and status, where you race towards professional goals, financial goals, relationship goals, experience goals, hobby goals, and so forth.

These initial stages are about finding security, relating and bonding with others, and proving yourself.

You want to feel safe. You want to feel loved. And you want to feel worthy.

You aspire to succeed, and be seen to succeed. You care deeply what others think.

A soul-aligned purpose is often dormant in these stages.

It is very hard to think about what you want when you are focused on what you think others want.

The thing is, these elements of safety, love, and worthiness can never be achieved from the outside-in. They must be fulfilled from the inside-out.

No one and no thing can fill a void of security, love or worthiness if you yourself do not believe that you possess these things.

This transition, and it's a big one, is when you start building your world from the inside out. You realise that you create your realities and can create a future exactly like you want. This is exciting and despite this being uncharted territory, you find the courage to live a life on your terms.

At higher stages of consciousness, things start to change again, and the very notion of "purpose" becomes not something you seek but something you find.

You go from picking to being picked.

From choosing to following.

I didn’t pick my path, for example, but feel it as something I am here to do.

This is not a post about our evolutionary journey through life - that post will follow - but I wanted to explain why many people don’t feel drawn to purpose in early parts of life, and why things start to shift.

If you want to read up on the topic in more detail, I suggest starting with Richard Barrett's 7-level values model and theory of consciousness.

Finding purpose is less about discovery and more about discernment.

Subtracting noise to hear what’s always been there.

Like the sculptor who starts by looking at what's already in the marble before then proceeding to chip away at the parts that are no longer needed.

I discovered that instead of searching for a path to copy, I had to pave my own path. Yes there will be similarities to things done before. But the ultimate imprints in the rough will be new and I knew I would have to tread on unthreaded grass for the first time. And then keep doing that over and over again, every time comfort begins to set in.

Define what you don't want

Sometimes it is easier to start by defining what you don't want. Dan Koe calls this your "anti-vision". Reflect on past experiences that drained you or felt incongruent. Start noticing things in your daily life that repel or trigger you. This can be situations, jobs, environments, or other peoples' behaviours. Then write down your "nightmare day" in terms of how your day starts, what you're doing, who you're with, and how you're feeling.

Stop looking for answers. Start noticing the pull.

While external paths can inspire you, they will never give you the full answer. Instead of looking outside for answers, ask yourself what path you would take if you followed what's truly important to you. Shift your energy from focusing on what's "out there" to focusing on what's going on inside you. Finding your purpose often starts as a quiet pull toward something that feels meaningful or energizing. Even if you don't know exactly what it is, start following your energy. In practice, do this by making time for reflection, journaling, and nature walks. Just listen to what wants to emerge.

Reconnect with your values.

Purpose is the outward expression of what you inwardly care about, and an easy way to start getting more concrete about what you care about is through values (e.g. financial stability, creativity, service). Search online for a "list of values" and identify your top 10. Then identify your top 3. For these 3, ask ourself:

Where in my life am I living this value?

Where am I betraying it?

How can I live this value better in the short term, in my current context?

What would it look like to fully embody this value - boldly, unapologetically, and without compromise?

Craft a purpose statement

To get even more concrete, create a purpose statement.

Start to fill out 3 key sections:

Essence: What energizes me deeply? What activities make me feel most alive? What values or states do I want to embody every day?

Strengths: What am I uniquely good at or drawn to? What comes naturally to me? What do others thank me for?

Impact: What positive change do I want to create? Who do I want to help or serve? What change would I love to see in the world (or my corner of it)?

A helpful summary statement is the following:

I [action/impact] for [people or cause], by [how you do it].

For me, this would currently be "I help ambitious professionals reconnect with purpose and presence by teaching self-mastery and sustainable peak performance.” This is not my ultimate life purpose, but it's my immediate focus and next step on my path.

Your purpose statement will be iterative. It's often better to have something than nothing, even if it doesn't feel 100% right. Keep iterating and updating it. It will change as you change throughout life's journey.

Live it in practice

You don’t need to define your life’s purpose in one go. Start by embodying the qualities you value most. Start testing your boundaries and doing things you wouldn't normally do.

Prioritise differently.

Say yes/no to things that move you closer to alignment.

Take one meaningful aligned action a week and notice what happens.

Don't over-complicate it. Try things out, notice what makes you feel more congruent and what makes you feel less congruent.

Purpose is inner, quiet work coupled with action. It's a combination of mind, heart, and soul, and requires tuning into deeper parts of yourself that have lain dormant. Stop over-thinking, and start sensing. Get out of your head, and tap into a deeper intelligence.

The dissonance you feel might be frustrating, but it's exactly what you're meant to be feeling. It's a signal that something is "off" and is pulling you towards your next evolutionary step.

Your role is to keep listening and to keep choosing what feels true, even when it’s unfamiliar.

See dissonance for what it is: an invitation to step into a more authentic version of yourself.